Sad

I’m sad today… actually, I’ve been sad for many days – it just seems more intense today.  I look at the world we live in and am sad that my children have to deal with the sheer lunacy of people as a whole. Oh sure, there are many, many amazing people in the world, but I’ve often said that persons, individually, are smart, caring, loving and sane, but people, as a whole, are stupid, selfish, hateful and absolutely crazy.

Every time I read anything these days, whether it’s from the left or the right or the middle, it seems that people are like “yeah – this is the world’s issue”, “THESE are the people causing all the problems”, etc. And yet THEY are the ones spreading the hate and discontent and pointing fingers. I just sit and shake my head and wonder why we can’t remember that we ALL live on this fragile sphere called Earth and we ALL have limited time – so why can’t we focus on the common ground (literally) and love as Jesus called us to love.

I’m also dealing with the fact that I’ve realized that for the past 2 years I’ve merely survived and have quit living my life. I think the above hopelessness has made me apathetic and fatalistic that I can have no impact on those around me. And all that makes me sad, mostly because I have no idea how to start living again and not sure I have much desire to do so.  And that makes me sad.  Sad for my family, sad for my friends, sad for me. Yet with all of this, I just keep on keeping on… hoping that something will happen to spark that desire to read again, write again, live again, to realize that even if my sphere of influence is microscopic, I have one and need to use it for that LOVE Jesus has called me to embody.  But right now I’m having issues seeing the world as He does;  I look at the world around and wonder if I can have any impact at all.

So… I’m sad.

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