I’ve been trying to decide just exactly how to describe today and the best I can come up with is the title of Judith Viorst’s book, “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”. Change the name to Heather and there would be no better description.
Like I said, I love most aspects of my job, but I can honestly say the aspect I absolutely hate is the feeling I have nearly everyday that I am completely inadequate to do the job. Sometimes it is the lack of communication. The fact that I am absolutely the last to know events, schedule changes or other things that effect me or my job directly. Other times it’s the ‘tyranny of the urgent’. The fact that I simply do not have the time, energy or mental focus to get every task done in what would be considered a timely manner. Time, energy and mental focus are areas that no matter how hard I try, I just cannot change.
Today, an oversight on my part ended up being a big deal. It happened in an area that I’m really trying to work on, but due to an number of unavoidable circumstances an important task got overlooked. And the result was bad. Fortunately, not life threatening, but bad.
During my mental hotwash, I realized that I care too much. I need to do the best I can, apologize when I screw up and just keep doing my job. I do get tired of feeling like I’m never going to ‘be on top of the tasks’ and eventually, I’m sure that will be why I leave the position. Just the stress of not feeling up to the job is slowly killing me. I also realized to night that I need to really try to do my job as if I was doing it for Jesus, because I am. This is the challenge. I get sidetracked with the minutia. I get sidetracked with the personal lives of those around me. And while building relationship with those around me is important, I need to work as unto the Lord. Ask for help when I need it and let go of the tasks that don’t get done, striving to accomplish them the next day.